Fate's Hand
by penpaninuSessh
Summary: Can a killer find peace? mf


My first try at a Kenshin fanfiction. Reviews are always welcome.

Thanks be to Inuskye for poking me to write something Kenshin.

Disclaimer: Penpaninu does not claim to own Rurouni Kenshin in any way shape or form but does claim to be a pacifist.

Fate's hand

By penpaninu

Falling Cherry blossoms. Floating like silken blood. When spring comes, I dread the natural beauty that everyone else comes to watch and enjoy with their families.

In my years of travel, I envy and grieve over the children and parents I see watching these red blossoms float down from the trees to litter the land as red as I once made the streets of Kyoto. How can one man, one battosai alone create such a river of blood? I once stepped through the rivulets without caring, my eyes numb to my deeds and my heart heavy and frozen. Life's liquid clinging to my hakama, soaking my sandals, droplets splattered across my sleeves and face. Lift bucket upon bucket of water. Throw it over yourself, wash the bad deeds away. Even if momentarily, it can't touch you… Water cleanses but it can't cleanse my soul. Let the water blur your vision. You're safe even if you can't breathe well due to your unfeeling heart.

My first wife helped unlocked the heavy organ in my breast and I felt so blasted much it was frightening. With her I stopped washing and rewashing my hands and cheek. I felt clean even if it was momentarily. We were able to get away from the civil war of Kyoto and live simply together in the countryside of Otsu. I was so happy…. I should have known, should have forseen it could not be forever. Sins escalate upon sins and I could not stop the path I had chosen to walk before from completing it's violent turn. And my wife chose to be taken from me to heal me completely.

She woke my heart to endless grief. Love she had given me freely and I loved her in return. But in doing so, she woke me to something that gnawed and ached within me, twisting my insides to hopeless agony day in and day out as I walked the islands north and south. Years I wandered. If I continued to walk, my blood-soaked steps would wash clean in the mud, the rain and the snow. Or so I hoped. I could still feel the blood saturating the socks and sandals I wore constantly.

I am haunted by my wife. When I walk, I know she is three steps behind me as usual. I can't hear her steps, but I feel her presence following me always. She guides me, yet she tears my heart. Why did she waken this useless organ if all it does is stab me inside every moment I am awake? Why did she love me so when I caused her death in the end?

Seeing the families gather for cherry-blossom watchings only makes the stabbing harder in my chest. Would she have carried my children if fate had given permission? Can anyone step outside of what Fate has in store for them? Japan has changed. My hand alone, dripping with blood and clenching my sword helped usher in the end of the Shogunate regime. I created my fate, and the blade-filled path dashed my wife to bits.

How I grieve for her. I threw my katana away and would have walked without arms and hopefully to my death had not Fate intervened again. The sakabato was bestowed upon me by an old friend during the chaotic times. Live by the sword, or die by the sword. Find your answer, he told me. I know not any path but one that is ruled by a blade in my hand.

Yet I try to influence my Fate by insuring this blade will not kill. I find I have far too many enemies to count. So I need steel to defend my small existence. I know I am needed for something else but I don't what it is. I will wander until I find the answer, reversed steel bouncing against my hip.

Fortune smiled upon me that I found her. The small strip of a girl, barely a woman, who practiced swordplay herself. Her family made it a profession to know their steel and she knew it well. I was just an intruder in her home at first, then a protector, then a surrogate older brother and father to the additional people to the dojo.

Over the next few years I find my heart resting at ease. Karou-donno will eternally have my respect yet I grieve too much still to try and call her my own. Everyone who comes to stake a claim on my life assumes she is my woman. Karou-donno has paid that price far too many times. I can merely grit my teeth and extend my protection closer over her.

My heart finally is at ease. I realize I can find happiness again, and I know Tomoe has stopped following me so closely. I want to be happy, but I find myself reluctant to approach the matter or wish to fulfill the acts that will make me happy.

My wily Karou is a force to be reckoned with. She comes to me with open arms and a proposal to let her carry some of my guilt. I could never give her my blood-ridden guilt, but my love and hand in marriage I could. I walk the pathways of her family's dojo late at night after we have retired together for the evening and watch for any sign my new family will be taken away from me.

I will not worry. But I fear it could be slashed to nothing once again. My second wife makes me smile daily. But I can't help but feel Fate is not through with me yet.

"Kenshin, where have you gone?" the sweet voice of my Karou calls. I walk towards her silently and startle her. I look down at her, my eyes warm with masculine pride at the slight arch of her stomach.

"I am always here, Karou," I murmur. Fate has eased up if my wife were allowed to carry my child. Karou walks with me to our bedroom and we slide the door closed.

"Taki-san is bringing everyone here to view the blossoms tomorrow." My heart pounds hard but I smile and make my Karou content. A river of blood again… but it won't end the way it had before.

Yet I feel Fate won't let me away so soon.

Like it? Hate it? Have a question? Leave a review!

Sincerely yours penpaninu 11/27/05


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